Mike and I have been waiting for quite some time for some life-pieces to fall into place. Throughout most of it, I’ve been battling some serious anger, resentment, and overall frustration at Mike, but honestly also at God. Most of it has been my own image in my head of how I thought my life would look at this point (or by this age), and it is drastically different than I would’ve thought.
I was reading in Luke the story of John the Baptist. The angel, Gabriel, just showed up to his dad, Zechariah, and said “this is going to happen.” Zechariah didn’t really believe him and asked, “how do I know?” Gabriel’s response is basically “shame on you. I’m a flipping angel and actually IN the presence of God, so now you’re mute till these things happen.” I remember always shaking my head growing up thinking how silly Zechariah is, an ANGEL showed up and told you!! How could you doubt God?!
But now I read that section and I pause. First, Zechariah lived in the silent-years; there weren’t prophets, appointed kings, God wasn’t in a burning bush, and they had long since departed Egypt. Even in our time, is our reality really that different? Second, if an angel showed up, aside from freaking out in terror, if it told me what Gabriel told Zechariah, i.e. something that is HIGHLY unlikely will just come to be, would I really believe him right away? Wouldn’t I, in all my human glory, challenge them almost immediately? Without a doubt. I would challenge them without a doubt.
Zechariah’s question I can relate to. It’s the ultimate question, can I trust what God says will happen and can I trust his timing in it? The on-the-spot moment, all rational thought flees and you’re left wondering where the hell has God plan been in it all?
That Zechariah’s response basically sums up how I’ve been feeling since January 2020. What has been the point? What are you (God) doing? How (if ever) is this going to come together?
Life doesn’t just stop because you don’t feel like you have a sense of direction, or purpose, or know what’s happening yet. But my overall control, worry, and fear of the incontrollable have decreased. God has worked into some of those nooks and crannies, breathing out the disobedience of my faith in him. Things have suddenly taken a pretty big turn, direction, options, purpose, next steps… they’ve all popped up rather quickly. And like a brick hitting my head I go, “oh right! YOUR timing, God, not mine. DUH.” Then, the rational part of the brain that shuts off when an angel is talking to you kicks in, and I’m sure just like for Zechariah after losing his voice, or in your case the idea of life in your head, you look back at everything that God has timed perfectly and allowed to happen in his plan for you and go “of course these things will come to pass,” and you won’t even worry if these new plans you think are of God don’t pan out because the angel is gone now, you’re already down the road instead of just entering it, and you realize “oh, I guess it just works out in his time anyway.”
I might not have questioned an angel, but I’ve been questioning God for over a year now. I think I’m just beginning to get it. God’s timing is everything. And his plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope for a future isn’t referring to anything in this life, as much as I sometimes might wish it to be so, but for the continual cultivation of my soul for my life with him.
“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
“Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years. ”The angel said to him, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their appointed time.” Luke 1:18-20